She Expanded Me- My Birth Story, Selah-Peace
I have been called for some time now to share this bit of me, so here it is…
Growing up I would never have deemed myself girly let alone feminine. As the oldest of 4, born to immigrants reigning from the African diaspora, I came out of the womb with the definition of duty fully understood. I recall childhood moments, wanting to be spent staring off into space only to hear the ringing echos of my mother’s voice, “be sure to look out for your siblings.”
As those teenage years rolled around and sports became the piece that defined my being, I grew accustomed to acknowledging my masculine energy that seemed to get things done. This force that could tackle and solve any problem was my guiding light all the way up until I met Alex at 24. Our Universe is so incredibly whole, I was destined to meet & marry a man whose life’s authority was emotional.
Emotions never meant that much to me. Both of my parent’s while I knew they loved us deeply, were not the ones to show a great deal of emotion. So as children do, we conjure up our own education of what ignites good and bad, and I quickly learned that showing my emotions got me no where.
As Alex & I mixed and mingled, trying to co-exist within the vast vortex of love we had unearthed in one another, I started to see that emotions weren’t for the faint of heart and better more took a true harnessing of power to use well, one I discerned I wasn’t equipped to handle.
We must all remember that the energy is always at the exact same place we left it, so you can safely judge where mine was. Hidden in a golden chest under superior lock & key.
We knew even before we got pregnant we wanted to experience a natural home birth & as co-creation would have it, as we were moving back to the states from Thailand, we stumbled upon The Farm. Fast forward to our first birth 2 years later, Elisha-Rain. My pregnancy with Elisha-Rain was perfect. I kept up with all of my daily routines and worked right up until the end. I wish I could stop the story here & share that after a birth that both awakened & traumatized me that my sacred feminine energy was alive but it wasn’t.
We found out we were pregnant again a few weeks before Elisha’s 1st birthday. Surprise. I was just starting to feel “normal” again and couldn’t believe that we would be doing it all again. Knock, knock; that was her, calling outside of my window once again.
Again, our second pregnancy was perfect. We aligned ourselves to the most beautiful black midwife who honestly, with her presence alone started to help peel back the dead layers of that golden chest which was keeping protected that energy inside.
Sacred Feminine waits for us all. She is who brought us forth. The light that illuminates our paths. The digger who unearths our essence. And the harvest that nourishes our soul.
I had never seen Her that way. But she wanted me to know Her, intimately and unabashedly. She wanted me to feel absolute safety within Her embrace, and so for almost 11 months we danced in one another.
After going into & stopping early labor at 37 weeks( more on that another time),Alex & I were ready for round two at 41weeks + 6 days; one day shy of our midwife legally being responsible for our birth. The waves of this labor were night and day compared to Elisha-Rain who showed up in 6 hours flat. Selah-Peace elegantly sent me little nudges rhythmically here and there. Allowing us to peacefully set up the birthing tub & filling it up to the right depth & temperature.
Alex supported me as each wave metaphysically took me under. It’s a crazy feeling to truly surrender. Not by choice, that would take judging but by faith. To cease existing in order for life to come through and exists once more. This sacred cycle constantly rising and falling, there was no fleeing now.
Within 1 hour of entering the tub, her head bloomed and a tsunami of fear took its grip over me. Our midwife said, “put your hand there". “Where? Down there?” I said. “Yes to guide her…”
Embarrassment of my ignorance towards my power resurfaced & all I could think of was how un lady like it was to reach down to my own yoni with my own healing hands to welcome our child Earth side. But when sacred feminine is banging down your door, you answer.
I took a deep breath & placed the palm of my hand over her crown. What I felt next was what can only be described as bliss, euphoria. The energy of the entire room shifted, I had literally taken my power back into my own hands. With one more moment of surrender, Selah came through and time stood still. About 10-15 seconds had passed before our midwife said, “you can grab her, pull her up". I had forgotten life had just come through me and Selah was gracefully still under water. I reached down once more and ushered her to the surface of the water where she took her first breath. That broke us all open.
She expanded me. As women, rarely are we taught to uncover & use the immense power within each of us. If each one of us truly understood and better yet believed this force that is able to not only give forth life but to sustain it, the society as we see it today would collapse & crumble right before our eyes. One day it will.
She named herself.
Selah: to praise or pause upon what has been said. That un-breaks, unties & undresses.
Peace: freedom from disturbance. A state of quiet & tranquility.
This girl is feminine energy incarnate. She is bold. Fresh. Strong. Open. Confident. Cheeky. Deserving. Stunning. Raw. Boundless. Universal power. She is my tangible reminder that I am all these things & more. So are you.
Open your eyes, open your being.
Allow Her to expand you.
Please, our Universe depends on it.
I share this as a call from Her,
*Mysterious Musings- Sacred Feminine is calling again, if you feel at all in tune with sharing how Her energy has transformed you, please connect with us at firstname.lastname@example.org and we will send you more journal prompts. You will always be anonymous, we love you